I have a new problem. If I was to hear out myself as a third party, I'd actually not care. I'd say shut the fuck up. You don't have a problem here, you're just imagining. But I feel deep in crisis here. I'm sucking more than ever. Maybe its my nature to feel I'm sucking. Maybe that is how I keep things in order. I just need someone's support. Someone who I can trust in and find peace in. Even if not that, I need one single break. Some place to start with. I'm an achievement too late waiting to be achieved. I've got to make things work. This is crisis. :(
Currently playing: Jashn-e-Bahara
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Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Friday, December 25, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
New Year Resolutions (courtesy, vibsy)
Life is lost. Hell that has become my catch line these days. Let’s keep this part less depressing. Bokud dada suggested New Year resolutions (as big as possible). Let’s see.
1) I don't want to be turning all laila majnu about reddy leaving iit and stuff.
2) As ever, I have to improve my CG and this seems promising this time. This in fact is long due to be true. It'll happen this time. (yeah, lets kick ass) Mark my words.
3) I HAVE TO bring down my fat. This invariably has remained a fairy tale since my 11th class. :( Have to make it true atleast this time.
4) Is something that is out of my hands. It is in hands of a certain someone who will never make a move, and will never let me make a move and all I can do is hope I have sufficient time ( as in all time in the eternity) to make things work and finally make something happen in like next lifetime. (Good luck with that).
Coming again, there are more specific goals.
1) Starting with Jan, I need to confirm that I get DAAD scholarship successfully and I fly away Germany in Summer. (Damn! I wanted to spend more time with reddy :( ).
2. I want to learn JAVA, Python (and every other arbit programming language that will improve the weight of my resume).
3. I want to clear CFA (though the feeling is not strong yet, something tells me I'm gonna find a real need soon enuf.).
4. I want to stay physically fit. I have to do something before its too late. God why am I so lazy :( .
5. I have to trim out my long pending project with Prof. UC Gupta lest he starts taking out his vengeance on me. Quickly wrap up his project and get over the whole damn fucking thing asap. The guilt associated with this stuff is already killing.
6. I've lost a big deal of friends in last one year. I don't have many people to list as my favorites from kgp. Infact there might be a select 10. Life sucks when you lose friends. That is the last thing I want to do this year. I don't want to hurt anyone. Give all my friends opportunity, forgiveness and hope to be the best I can with them.
7. I want to fulfill all my responsibilities as a son. Well I've got one more year to get there. But, the least I can do is stay career oriented, Try to stay physically fit and give some peace to my mom's already worried life. I want to find a job right here in this place and settle down here. I don't want to go anywhere else. I belong here. (at least that's what I think for now.)
God, I've neglected you for so long. Systematic ignorance and laziness has brought me to a stage where I prefer not to take bath cause I'd have to spend time with you if I took a bath. From service to duty to obligation, I've brought down your worship to a stage where I can't recuperate all by myself. I hope to offer a better piece of myself some time later. Please help me get there.
May 2010 be a lot better year than 2009. May I find peace with myself. Peace with my surroundings. Peace with people I work. Peace with people I like.
1) I don't want to be turning all laila majnu about reddy leaving iit and stuff.
2) As ever, I have to improve my CG and this seems promising this time. This in fact is long due to be true. It'll happen this time. (yeah, lets kick ass) Mark my words.
3) I HAVE TO bring down my fat. This invariably has remained a fairy tale since my 11th class. :( Have to make it true atleast this time.
4) Is something that is out of my hands. It is in hands of a certain someone who will never make a move, and will never let me make a move and all I can do is hope I have sufficient time ( as in all time in the eternity) to make things work and finally make something happen in like next lifetime. (Good luck with that).
Coming again, there are more specific goals.
1) Starting with Jan, I need to confirm that I get DAAD scholarship successfully and I fly away Germany in Summer. (Damn! I wanted to spend more time with reddy :( ).
2. I want to learn JAVA, Python (and every other arbit programming language that will improve the weight of my resume).
3. I want to clear CFA (though the feeling is not strong yet, something tells me I'm gonna find a real need soon enuf.).
4. I want to stay physically fit. I have to do something before its too late. God why am I so lazy :( .
5. I have to trim out my long pending project with Prof. UC Gupta lest he starts taking out his vengeance on me. Quickly wrap up his project and get over the whole damn fucking thing asap. The guilt associated with this stuff is already killing.
6. I've lost a big deal of friends in last one year. I don't have many people to list as my favorites from kgp. Infact there might be a select 10. Life sucks when you lose friends. That is the last thing I want to do this year. I don't want to hurt anyone. Give all my friends opportunity, forgiveness and hope to be the best I can with them.
7. I want to fulfill all my responsibilities as a son. Well I've got one more year to get there. But, the least I can do is stay career oriented, Try to stay physically fit and give some peace to my mom's already worried life. I want to find a job right here in this place and settle down here. I don't want to go anywhere else. I belong here. (at least that's what I think for now.)
God, I've neglected you for so long. Systematic ignorance and laziness has brought me to a stage where I prefer not to take bath cause I'd have to spend time with you if I took a bath. From service to duty to obligation, I've brought down your worship to a stage where I can't recuperate all by myself. I hope to offer a better piece of myself some time later. Please help me get there.
May 2010 be a lot better year than 2009. May I find peace with myself. Peace with my surroundings. Peace with people I work. Peace with people I like.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Is this the case with (1) everyone. (2) few. (3) none.
Words are getting superfluous. Empty talks are ruling my life. This is a night out. This is a victory in a game of aoe 1 on 1. This is a nightmare. I can't see where this is leading. Life has proved time and again that my heart rules over my brain to a sufficiently magnanimous extent. And my heart on impulse happens to be 60% predictable, routine, and illogical. Brain is something that keeps switching on and off. You need to remember that there is something called brain. Plug it in. and switch it on!
More than half the classes in this sem already bunked. Misery all over. Still in dark about internship next year. A Things-to-do list that is sitting pending since weeks. Big flabby tummy and biggest of all, the pretentious, artificial loathing of "I'm not doing anything. I fear where my life is leading". Sometimes, I wonder is this really the case with most people around me. (They keep assuring me that its the same with everyone though I doubt their honesty in that revelation.)
My room is a mess. My schedule is a mess. I never do most of the useful and relevant things I want to do.
Perhaps, I should start listening to myself. Keep reminding myself that I got a brain. I need to listen to my brain at times. I need to follow a schedule like the good guys in fairy tales do. Attend all classes like few morons do. Be a geek for some time. Do things like revision, solve question papers in free time, visit the library twice a week, prepare for any exam, and get jeered by the peers that see me doing any one of these. Perhaps, then I will find peace. Peace that will help me enjoy this worthless game of aoe without any guilt, full of satisfaction, of raping enemies.
Its high time I resurrected my intelligence, the agility, the articulacy, the precision, the retention and all that will make me happy for myself. Follow the brain for once. This is all to the bloody, pissy self loathing. World has bigger problems than mine. I'm getting involved in something bigger. I need to realize stuff.
Currently Playing: Dance of death, Iron Maiden
More than half the classes in this sem already bunked. Misery all over. Still in dark about internship next year. A Things-to-do list that is sitting pending since weeks. Big flabby tummy and biggest of all, the pretentious, artificial loathing of "I'm not doing anything. I fear where my life is leading". Sometimes, I wonder is this really the case with most people around me. (They keep assuring me that its the same with everyone though I doubt their honesty in that revelation.)
My room is a mess. My schedule is a mess. I never do most of the useful and relevant things I want to do.
Perhaps, I should start listening to myself. Keep reminding myself that I got a brain. I need to listen to my brain at times. I need to follow a schedule like the good guys in fairy tales do. Attend all classes like few morons do. Be a geek for some time. Do things like revision, solve question papers in free time, visit the library twice a week, prepare for any exam, and get jeered by the peers that see me doing any one of these. Perhaps, then I will find peace. Peace that will help me enjoy this worthless game of aoe without any guilt, full of satisfaction, of raping enemies.
Its high time I resurrected my intelligence, the agility, the articulacy, the precision, the retention and all that will make me happy for myself. Follow the brain for once. This is all to the bloody, pissy self loathing. World has bigger problems than mine. I'm getting involved in something bigger. I need to realize stuff.
Currently Playing: Dance of death, Iron Maiden
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
\m/
Everyday I want to fly stay by my side...
Everyday I want to dream stay by my side...
Every morning I wish I could just play....
Wish the mornings would just stay...
PS: Google Tasks rock
currently playing: Oy! Oy!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Yes I made it
Yes, the answer to the previous post is yes. I'm leaving Pune tomorrow. I finished my report today. My prof. kind of okay's the report. But the big part is, I'm gonna miss a few people here. I'll miss Boyya, Simha, Mahesh, Shreyas, sandwiches, swimming pool, bus rides, printouts, girls, and prof. I'm not sure whether I still think of this place as I used to think of it a few days back- a damn fucking place. This place has taught me hell lot of things and I owe this place a big one for that.
PS: This blog took birth in this very building nearly 2 months back. In a way, this place took me to blogging as well.
Cheers to the Summer project
Cheers to the 10grand bucks
Cheers to my mom's saree and all the independence I've had here.
7:36 PM,
Library,
IISER, Pune
PS: This blog took birth in this very building nearly 2 months back. In a way, this place took me to blogging as well.
Cheers to the Summer project
Cheers to the 10grand bucks
Cheers to my mom's saree and all the independence I've had here.
7:36 PM,
Library,
IISER, Pune
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Heart over Head
A silent contemplation
A life time of memories
on how much of a loser I've been
on how many friends I've lost and still counting
on why ego gets better whenever bridging an old gap
on why shy gets better when making a new path
on why there are so many random thought currents
that they can't even merge to make a poetic justice
A conscious introspection
A turbulence of daily routine
on how many activities have been planned on and left half done
on how involuntarily they have been planned
on how much effort is being made and with what sincerity
on why I'm obsessed about completing the task rather than enjoy it
on why I don't remember how much money I've spent today
on why the intensity of introspection is so much
that there is pain until I drain it as ink on my paper
A calm observation
A mild thrust of driving force
on how much has been achieved
on how many people have smiled because of me
on how many people care to make me smile
on how much I value what I've learnt past one year
after I thought I had learnt enough the year before
on how many good things life holds in store
that you can't wait to keep going non-stop.
A life time of memories
on how much of a loser I've been
on how many friends I've lost and still counting
on why ego gets better whenever bridging an old gap
on why shy gets better when making a new path
on why there are so many random thought currents
that they can't even merge to make a poetic justice
A conscious introspection
A turbulence of daily routine
on how many activities have been planned on and left half done
on how involuntarily they have been planned
on how much effort is being made and with what sincerity
on why I'm obsessed about completing the task rather than enjoy it
on why I don't remember how much money I've spent today
on why the intensity of introspection is so much
that there is pain until I drain it as ink on my paper
A calm observation
A mild thrust of driving force
on how much has been achieved
on how many people have smiled because of me
on how many people care to make me smile
on how much I value what I've learnt past one year
after I thought I had learnt enough the year before
on how many good things life holds in store
that you can't wait to keep going non-stop.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
About KicK
Kick, a telugu movie I watched yesterday, is a proper mass masala punch movie with sequences that are utter crap. Yet, the movie leaves you with a nice "kick" at the end of the day cause its all about screwing things up to increase the excitement in the proceedings. In my case, I didn't have to do much to screw things up, but I'm on the receiving end of the excitement right now.
A revenge in waiting, A project report in waiting, An eager prof in waiting, An eager mother in waiting, and I've got a deadline of 10 days for the rest of my project which I'd consciously say isn't enough, infact is insane. Yet, there is a kick in achieving it right now. Let's see if this ends well.(it has to anyway, there's no other go. Shtillll....). Let's see.
A revenge in waiting, A project report in waiting, An eager prof in waiting, An eager mother in waiting, and I've got a deadline of 10 days for the rest of my project which I'd consciously say isn't enough, infact is insane. Yet, there is a kick in achieving it right now. Let's see if this ends well.(it has to anyway, there's no other go. Shtillll....). Let's see.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Hoobastank Power Lyrics : Don't tell me !
Don't tell me that you are ready to change.
Don't tell me that from now it won't be the same.
It doesn't matter, 'cause at the end of the day,
It isn't what you say, it's what you do!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
What you say will be forgotten someday.
What you do will be remembered.
Empty promises always fade away.
What you keep will last forever.
Don't tell me you'll make things better for us.
Don't tell me that you're some one I can trust.
It doesn't mean a thing to me just because,
It isn't what you say, it's what you do!
Your actions will speak louder than you!
What you say will be forgotten someday.
What you do will be remembered.
Empty promises always fade away.
What you keep will last forever.
So show me that you really figured it out.
And show me everything that you are about.
But if you can't then you should just shut your mouth!..
'cause I don't care what you say or what you do,
You can't take back what you've put me through.
Your actions will speak louder than you!..
What you say will be forgotten someday.
What you do will be remembered.
Empty promises always fade away.
What you keep will last forever.
What you say will be forgotten someday.
What you do will be remembered.
Empty promises always fade away.
What you keep will last forever.
What you keep will last forever.
What you keep will last forever.
Forever...
Don't tell me that from now it won't be the same.
It doesn't matter, 'cause at the end of the day,
It isn't what you say, it's what you do!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
What you say will be forgotten someday.
What you do will be remembered.
Empty promises always fade away.
What you keep will last forever.
Don't tell me you'll make things better for us.
Don't tell me that you're some one I can trust.
It doesn't mean a thing to me just because,
It isn't what you say, it's what you do!
Your actions will speak louder than you!
What you say will be forgotten someday.
What you do will be remembered.
Empty promises always fade away.
What you keep will last forever.
So show me that you really figured it out.
And show me everything that you are about.
But if you can't then you should just shut your mouth!..
'cause I don't care what you say or what you do,
You can't take back what you've put me through.
Your actions will speak louder than you!..
What you say will be forgotten someday.
What you do will be remembered.
Empty promises always fade away.
What you keep will last forever.
What you say will be forgotten someday.
What you do will be remembered.
Empty promises always fade away.
What you keep will last forever.
What you keep will last forever.
What you keep will last forever.
Forever...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
My first salary!
sumfel@ias.ernet.in
to me
show details 9:40 AM (1 hour ago)
Reply
Follow up message
Sub: SRF 2009
=================
Your report for the first month has been received and accepted. The fellowship amount due to you will be transferred to your bank account by electronic transfer within 4 days.This is for your information.
Your report for the second month duly countersigned by your guide, should be sent along with your travel claim (blank TA form can be downloaded by logging on to your SRF account).
Best wishes
to me
show details 9:40 AM (1 hour ago)
Reply
Follow up message
Sub: SRF 2009
=================
Your report for the first month has been received and accepted. The fellowship amount due to you will be transferred to your bank account by electronic transfer within 4 days.This is for your information.
Your report for the second month duly countersigned by your guide, should be sent along with your travel claim (blank TA form can be downloaded by logging on to your SRF account).
Best wishes
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